Monday, August 03, 2009

A Moment of Clarification.

In light of a recent comment by reader Gleno - which I totally appreciate, by the way - I thought I should post my response. Why? So you all can get a sense of where I'm coming from and so I won't have to explain it a billion times over in the future.

Hi, Gleno -- thanks for your advice. I appreciate it. I've been trying to incorporate more of my life into my blog rather than always talking about love. But I did start this blog with the intention of it following my search for love. Trust me, I don't go around talking love 24/7 in my real life, which is why I feel so comfortable and free to do it here. Maybe it's been over-the-top, but I want to get my story out there. I chose to focus this blog on merely one aspect of my life; it is by no means the be-all and end-all of my existence.

Hope you'll keep reading. :)

Thoughts? I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the criticism that a love blog focuses too much on love...maybe you can enlighten me?

Update: I understand what you all are trying to say, but I'm not making this blog as some silly little mockery blog in cyberspace. This is my honest, bare, stripped-down authentic story of my life, my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, and most importantly, MY reality.

If you think I merely write about trivial topics, I haven't. I've written some pretty intensely honest things on here, especially regarding my father's suicide. My story may not always be a happy one, and of course it's not a normal one - whatever normal is anyway - but it is a real one. That's what I've strived for since day one. I'm going to continue to tell me story and be honest. You know you're always invited along for the journey.




  1. Oh, pish posh. I find your blog absolutely delightful.

  2. It's your blog, and your choice to write whatever you wish. Personally I really like reading it, so keep doing your thing!

  3. I love that you have a main topic... You can dance around it but it's the constant thread. You've set it up nicely. And as the other readers have said, it's all you and you can do with it what you want. Blogs are personal and the people who read them will find the ones that they identify with for some reason or another.

  4. I actually sort of agree with Gleno.

    First of all, I'd like to point out that love advice can be hard to absorb because of it's relativity to the actual person. And the person writing it has to have a bit of a bias! Perhaps Gleno just doesn't like chatty girls?

    Anyway, I do have to agree that a lot of what you write has to do with love, considering it is a love blog, but ... I seem to feel you should write about other things other than your love life.

    I suppose it's about whether you feel a need to indulge your readers.

    You voice your thoughts beautifully by the way and don't let criticism break you.

  5. hi boom...thanks! I don't expect people to take all my advice, heck, if they even take any of it. This is merely my story, my life, you know?

  6. I do have to ask this question: if you are dealing with the question of being loved and finding romance with a disability, how come all the pictures that you post are "perfect-looking people"? They are lovely pictures (I enjoy them greatly), but they seem to go along with romantic stereotypes, you know?

    And yes, it is your blog. I think that Gleno had some good points though, especially showing the other side's point of gotta see that every now and then (heck, we all do!).

    Just a few the same time, I liked what PS~Erin said...people follow and read what they relate with. Reading is a choice; people choose to take the time on your blog.

  7. good point, holly. The thing is, people with disabilities aren't featured as much in mainstream photos. That's what I'm trying to do with my blog -- show the world that we're just like everyone else. Yes, we do have some different struggles, but at the end of the day, we're PEOPLE.

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  9. Melissa, it is entirely your blog, and you have 100% control. I have been reading since you were a blog of note, and I love your romanticism. I do like your letters to Mr. Blake; he does have a lot of pressure on him though. :)

    You've opened my eyes more to those with disabilities and how they long for romance.

    It's certainly not my blog, but I do wonder what a normal day for you is like. I personally share daily frustrations or craziness or things I'm trying to work out on my blog. Some of us frequent readers know there's more to Melissa than doodling in her High School Musical 3 notebook, and I for one would love to learn more about you.

    That said, you have shared about your father. So we can't say you haven't shared more personal things.

    So, again, it's your blog, and it's our option of whether to read it or not.

  10. I can't help but feel like I have been true to myself, which is what's frustrating about the whole thing.

    And surprisingly, a typical day for me isn't unlike a typical day for everyone else. Another point of the blog.

    I really do appreciate all the feedback. That's what blogging is all about. xoxo

  11. I agree with Holly and was thinking the same thing she was: what is the purpose of the pictures? And, through your comment, you clarified any questions I might have. Thank you for your honesty, and your positive and beautiful writing. So many of your posts speak to my heart!

  12. this is you blog so basically . if any one needs variety they can check out some of the other million blogs out there .and when they want to read on melissa's quest for love and dating with disabilities they can come back here .

  13. I think Gleno wrote a very thoughtful, insightful, and respectful comment. It's his /her opinion and not everyone has to agree with it. Your blog is your story, Gleno's comment is part of his/ her story (sorry I forgot if this person said whether they were male or female). I actually agree with a good bit of what Gleno said, it certainly was much more than can be boiled down to " a love blog focusing too much on love." I hope that's not all you got out of it because there was so much more there in my opinion.

  14. Its your blog, you should write what you want. My opinion is you have a very high standard for Mr. Blake. I get wanting to find the right guy and just wanting to even have a chance to meet him. Its funny that you give dating 'advice' when you're not dating, but whatever. Its your thing do what you want.

  15. I think Gleno was probably like me - a new reader who had no idea what the focus was (though I caught on rather quickly).

    Your Blog is lovely (pun not intended). As a person with a similar love history, I find it refreshing to hear that there is someone out there who knows the reality of the young dating world and is fighting against it.

    In short - it gives me hope. Not because I know you are having the same problems I am, but because you are a beautiful person and I know that you will find someone. You will win!

  16. I have to say, Melissa, this is a fine blog you've put together. I've seen it grow exponentially from when it had 50 followers to the now small village it has. You've achieved what so many bloggers are currently working to. Congratulations.

    In the same vein, I would like to clear one thing up for the commenters, and I hope that I am as clear as I can be. Some people seem confused about what happens on this blog (and for that matter, many blogs out in cyberspace). Melissa is a blogger by trade, she is a businesswoman. This blog is her product. If you doubt that, look at her tweets to various magazines asking when she can get her work published with them. If there were no conflict, if there were no back and forth commenting, it would be akin to her marketing a product that no one could use.

    You all come to blogs to interact, to learn, to have a discourse. Melissa is providing you with that. I don't feel that this blog represents a real search for love. I think that any search happens does so outside of the words published herein, and is not reported herein unless it is dramatic. No conflict, no drama, no drama, no comments, no comments, no readers. This blog is just stirring us out of our slumber, it's getting us chatting.

    That being said, don't expect Melissa to change what she's doing. She has a mission, and unless you are a professional, giving professional advice on mechanics and getting published, don't expect her to take all of your advice. If anyone told me that I might want to be a little less silly on my blog, you can be sure that I'd dismiss that advice, because that's what my blog is intended to be. Melissa intends her blog to be a certain way, and she will only change it in order to make it more publishable.

  17. I don't think a blog about love should have some sort of FAQ blog on how the said blog is about, well, love.

    Kind of Ironic don't you think?

    Maybe thats not the word.. ahaha.

    Anyways,. your blogs are simply exciting and awesome to read.

    Ahhh, This may sound rude and like I'm trying to promote my blog, (Because I'm not. I don't truly care if I have followers..)

    And that probably sounds like reverse psycology.

    But I was wondering if you could pass around my blog.
    I just started it, and it nothing compared to yours.
    Your blog is so well done and written, While I'm just a kid with not that much professional writing expertise, just years of poems and short storys and such..
    But thanks for hearing me out anyway.

  18. Mike, I understand what you're trying to say, but I'm not making this blog as some silly little mockery blog in cyberspace. This is my honest, bare, stripped-down authentic story of my life, my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, and most importantly, MY reality.

    If you think I merely write about trivial topics, I haven't. I've written some pretty intensely honest things on here, especially regarding my father's suicide. My story may not always be a happy one, and of course it's not a normal one - whatever normal is anyway - but it is a real one. That's what I've strived for since day one.


  19. Darling,
    I would just like to give my two cents about something that someone else posted.{I am in no way dissing what they believe}. However, in regards to the post which commented on you having high standards for Mr.Blake... My personal opinion is; of course you have high standards,and why shouldn't you?. Nobody deserves to settle for second best.

    Also, I just thought you should know that I love reading your blog. Keep up the awesomeness!

  20. Tell it like it is ...if they don't like it , my Grandfather used to use this one...tell them " Go shit in yopur hat "!! Works for me , and I do it all the time ! LOL

  21. As if people don't want to hear about love, anyway! Why else would 99% of all the songs ever written be about it?

  22. Ms. Blake. I wasn't really directing the comment at you so much as those who were confused about your blog, but thanks for understanding, I think.

    I think that you either a)misunderstood what I said or b)understood perfectly well, but added in extra adjectives to make what I said sound more provocative.

    I never used the word "trivial" or "mockery" to describe your blog. In fact, I said that you are a professional blogger. Professional implies that you take your work seriously and that you do serious work. I don't understand how that could be construed as saying that your blog was "trivial". I also never said that your topics are trivial. They are the same topics that you see in the pages of magazines and newspapers that are read by billions of people every day.

    So, if you were talking to me when you said "If you think I merely write about trivial topics", you were talking to the wrong person. I just wanted everyone to know that you are doing this as a professional blogger, as a writer, and that you don't change your blog based on other people's advice or opinions.

    Also, I'm worried that you would TOTALLY misunderstand what I said, and then draw attention to it as an update on your blog. That is not only misrepresenting me, but also misrepresenting what I said. If this were in print, it would be close to slander.

  23. Reminds me of people who critique fashion blogs for talking about clothes/model, etc. This isn't what a person does all day long, but when you create a niche site you tend to stay on topic...

  24. DON'T YOU DARE CHANGE A THING! Opinions are like you know what...everyone has one!

    Melissa, the most important thing you can ever be, is true to yourself! There will be those that just don't get already know that there are plenty who do.


  25. For what it's worth, I like your blog just the way it is. Everyone is entitled to their opinion - and what a wonderful compliment to know people are not only reading, but thinking about what you write. Just keep on keeping on... :)

  26. Melissa, I'm not going to get involved in the overall discussion. However, for your info and for mike's info, the publication is in print, so there is already the potential for libelous statements. Slander is spoken word. However, usually slander or libel is a misstatement of fact that paints someone in a bad light. Just playing devil's advocate, I think any discourse between the two of you was opinion or, at the very least, doesn't amount to statements that can be proven to be true or false. However, as soon as something is posted, you run the risk of liability for libel... it doesn't have to actually be on paper. It's published to the public via the world wide web.

  27. Also, after going back and reading, I think Mike is right in his last comment, at least about misunderstanding what he was getting at.

  28. Wow...this is a hot ball of wax...

    I love your blog the way it is and I always have. It has a central theme, and you riff on that theme in a variety of delightful and thought-provoking ways. I'm having as much trouble understanding the criticism as you are.

    Some people just can't be happy with anything...

  29. I'm glad that everyone except for Faux_Trixie misunderstood my statement. And you are right, Trixie, I got my slander and libel mixed up. Happens all the time.

    Everyone else: Just realize that just because I wasn't splashing compliments on Ms. Blake's page, I didn't make one negative statement about the blog or about her. If there is a record, I wish that to be on it.

  30. I agree with Mike in that there needs to be some sort of conflict to have an interesting blog. Its all marketing.
    Although, I still believe you think way too much about finding the "one". I remember in an earlier comment, someone said that this could be your downfall. I would have to agree. Granted, I'm a happily married woman. But I once was single, and men do not like women who are obsessed with finding them.
    This is my opinion, and you have yours. I know you will continue to write about love, and I will continue to read. I really hope that I am wrong, and you will find that guy you're looking for.

  31. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  32. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  33. Gleno's comment can be found here (for the moment):

    Take note that if you write something that Melissa doesn't like, she will delete.

  34. Actually, that's not true Jane. I only delete Anonymous's comments because he's too much of a coward to put a name to his idiotic comments.

    I have no trouble with people commenting on my blog who have differing opinions -- in fact, I welcome them. What I DO have a problem with is people attacking my life - people who have never walked a day in my shoes (no pun intended) - as if they know it better than I do when in reality, they've never lived it. That's what I don't appreciate, and I don't think there's a person out who would appreciate it.

    Would you?

  35. Ironically, you just deleted two comments that were not "attacking your life" but commenting on the fact that you repeat content over and over again. What's even better, is you deleted the comment that I responded to! The one where the commentor ONLY stated that you should post Gleno's comment and respond to his statement about you reposting content over and over again.

    You confuse being attacked about your life with being critisized for YOUR WRITING on YOUR BLOG.

  36. Ms. Blake

    No, I would not appreciate it, but I don't have to, and neither should you. The problem with your complaint is that:

    a) you assumed that "anonymous" is one single person

    b)you assumed that "anonymous" is a male

    c)you called comments "idiotic" that no one (save a few people who looked quickly enough) had the chance to see

    d) you are in the public sphere and you really cannot expect anything other than to get a few attack comments. This is par for the course, and a small price to pay for having a thousand plus followers and sponsors.

    I think that deleting comments without even addressing them is a bit suspect. It's hard to know what someone else said when there's no explanation left by the administrator.

  37. And if you read this thread, Jane, I DID respond to his question about content. I told readers two weeks ago that I'd be re-posting some of my favorite posts over the next couple of weeks for my new readers so they could get a sense of my blog. I thought it redundant to mention every damn time that this post is a re-post.

    It looks to me like you have too much time on your hands. You don't like my blog. I get that. Might I direct you to something called Google. Type in the word blog and you can find billions of blogs. I'm sure you could find others that are more to your liking.

  38. Wow. I'm going to say this one more time (maybe I should make flash cards next time?):

    1. I did address the comments/questions from Gleno. I answer them. End of story.

    2. You're obviously a new reader, Mike, or you'd know that the same Anonymous has been trolling my blog since the beginning with nothing but put-downs and insults. A few I can take - and I have - but there comes a point where you, as a writer, have to stand up for your work. I am. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

  39. Again, you confuse criticism with hate. I actually like your blog, I have just noticed that you (like many other bloggers with a decent amount of followers) don't like to hear dissenting opinions.

    If you are relying on deleting criticism before anyone can see it, you are going to find that doesn't work unless you have too much time on your hands. Someone is always going to read it.

  40. hmm deleting anonymous' comments is actually giving him more attention.

  41. Melissa

    About the reposts, why not just link to the old posts or make a round up post full of old links for your new readers? You could put a "favorite posts" or intro/background posts" list on your sidebar too.

    As someone reading off and on from early on I was very confused about the reposts and did not see your post saying you'd be reposting old ones, so yes a statement explaining it next to each would have been great.

    I don't think it's reasonable to expect that everyone will have read the post where you talk about republishing old posts and know what is going on. Not everyone reads every post. And not agreeing with every part of your approach doesn't mean people don't like your blog. Inviting readers to leave your blog or assuming they dislike it just because they have (a) criticism(s) seems an overreaction in my view. I see nothing wrong with Jane's comment for example or any signs she "hates" your blog.

    I do like your blog but think you could stand to learn to more gracefully accept feedback of all kinds. Saying that doesn't mean I don't enjoy other aspects of the blog or that I should not read here. You seem at times to lash out at even politely worded, legitimate, reasonable critique. What's wrong with pointing out the repeated posts or having differeing views on comment deletion? This is what blogs and comment interactin are all about--discussion, communication, etc.

  42. Wow... Melissa...
    I'd have to say, I feel bad for you already...

    What I was gonna say is, about Gleno's comment...

    I think you don't really have to listen to him. NOBODY can tell you WHAT you should do here on YOUR BLOG. Besides that, I thought he doesn't even understand anything about your blog...

    I think, as my opinion, I think you are very smart and brave. You are showing who you are, what you think, what you want, and you know what? You wouldn't want anybody who wouldn't understand why you feel this way. I would say, "I don't even want to date a guy like you! I appreciate your opinion, but don't even worry!" I don't mean to offensive to those guys, but people have all diffrent thoughts about their love. To me, it's nothing wrong about dreaming and wondering.

    The point is, your future-husband will understand what you are saying! That's the guy who you want! If some guys don't understand you, sorry, but they are not on the list either!

    I hope you had a great birth-day today!


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