Consider this a much-needed intervention. Frankly, your behavior of late has been appalling, less than your normal, mature self and in all honesty, a bit kooky.
I even hate to write this, as if not putting it on paper will somehow stop it from being real - and, as you know, it's all very real, paper or no paper. But tell me, what is going on with you, honey?
I don't know, maybe you're just crazy, but someone is definitely bringing out a whole new side of you. I'm not sure it's a side of you I like to see. It's bold. It's a let's-live-for-the-moment side. Since when did you become that girl, Melissa? You're cautious. You're a good girl. And you most definitely always use your head. And here you are, doing seemingly opposite of what you've known for your entire life. You shouldn't be acting like this. You're a smart girl, so I know you know this already....so why do you keep feeding into it? Why do you keep analyzing and obsessing over every little detail? What sort of independent feminist are you? Do you see? There's this huge disconnect going on here, and I'm not too sure it's self-respecting, either.
You know as well as I do that a relationship would never in a million years work out (said person is never going to see you like that, no matter how much you wish and hope for it), but I know that part of you can't help but fantasize about one (and stop rolling your eyes because I know you too well; after all, I am you, remember?). A part of you wants that relationship in which he (let's just be obvious and honest here about what sort of person we're talking about, shall we?) wouldn't care who you were, your disability wouldn't get in the way and he couldn't help but be as intrigued with you as you are with him.
And yet, I haven't seen you laugh this much, smile this often or just be this happy since your father died. I see traces of that happy, giggly girl you used to be. I see glimmers of those sparkles in your eyes again. It's nice to see her again. It's nice to hear her laugh again.
Maybe you are more into the idea of being with someone who makes you happy again, who makes you laugh, who lets you just let go for once and not think everything to death. Is that such a bad thing, you wonder? Of course not. It's human. It's you being your loveable, hopeless romantic self again.
The bottom line: I love you. I love who you are, just as you are. I don't ever want you to change for anything or anyone. Please try not to forget that, OK?
[Photos via Audrey Hepburn Complex]