Wednesday, February 03, 2010

An Open Letter To Myself.

Dear Melissa:

Consider this a much-needed intervention. Frankly, your behavior of late has been appalling, less than your normal, mature self and in all honesty, a bit kooky.

I even hate to write this, as if not putting it on paper will somehow stop it from being real - and, as you know, it's all very real, paper or no paper. But tell me, what is going on with you, honey?

I don't know, maybe you're just crazy, but someone is definitely bringing out a whole new side of you. I'm not sure it's a side of you I like to see. It's bold. It's a let's-live-for-the-moment side. Since when did you become that girl, Melissa? You're cautious. You're a good girl. And you most definitely always use your head. And here you are, doing seemingly opposite of what you've known for your entire life. You shouldn't be acting like this. You're a smart girl, so I know you know this why do you keep feeding into it? Why do you keep analyzing and obsessing over every little detail? What sort of independent feminist are you? Do you see? There's this huge disconnect going on here, and I'm not too sure it's self-respecting, either.
You know as well as I do that a relationship would never in a million years work out (said person is never going to see you like that, no matter how much you wish and hope for it), but I know that part of you can't help but fantasize about one (and stop rolling your eyes because I know you too well; after all, I am you, remember?). A part of you wants that relationship in which he (let's just be obvious and honest here about what sort of person we're talking about, shall we?) wouldn't care who you were, your disability wouldn't get in the way and he couldn't help but be as intrigued with you as you are with him.

And yet, I haven't seen you laugh this much, smile this often or just be this happy since your father died. I see traces of that happy, giggly girl you used to be. I see glimmers of those sparkles in your eyes again. It's nice to see her again. It's nice to hear her laugh again.

Maybe you are more into the idea of being with someone who makes you happy again, who makes you laugh, who lets you just let go for once and not think everything to death. Is that such a bad thing, you wonder? Of course not. It's human. It's you being your loveable, hopeless romantic self again.
The bottom line: I love you. I love who you are, just as you are. I don't ever want you to change for anything or anyone. Please try not to forget that, OK?

[Photos via Audrey Hepburn Complex]


  1. I like this letter, it's something that I would have written for myself if I wasn't too lazy, thanks for sharing

  2. It was very therapeutic, Justin! xoxo

  3. this letter is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. so...wha's going on? where's the giggle coming from?

  4. I think most of us go through all that one time or another...I myself tend to over analyze things. Theres nothing wrong with being kooky once in a while....It does make you feel better because you laugh more...everyone is odd in their own different ways and everyone has insecurities about themselves....Even gorgeous people usually have some kind of insecurity....The best thing to do is start off with your mind set on just making friends with boys....ask them about their interests and stuff....then just see what happens....If it dosnt turn into a relationship at least you made a new friendship....Like that old song says anyways....How can we be lovers if we cant be good friends....It says it all....

  5. I love the fact that you feel confident enough to call yourself out - so to speak! I think I need to try this myself!! :)

  6. Suddenly I feel like a letter to myself is absolutely necessary. Totally enjoyed this post! XX Niki

  7. heart warming Melissa!
    Must always include laughters in our life~

  8. so heartwarming!! lovely letter ;)

  9. i relate to this post...especially the 'good girl' part.
    go on being kooky!
    xoxo alison

  10. Thanks so much...these lovely comments made me smile this morning!! xoxo

  11. I once seriously liked a disabled guy and I so wanted to date him.He was totally adorable.His chair and his physical shape didn't bother me. We would often be at the same venue every week.He was always laughing. He made me feel so peaceful, just to look at him.
    However he ignored me.I felt so stupid, all my friends used to take the mickey out of me big time.
    It's ok not to be sensible sometimes Melissa.

  12. I LOVE this letter. I just recently wrote a letter to my 16 year old self. I am madly MADLY in love with your blog. I have read many posts tonight. I am your newest follower and am adding your blog to my favorites. i really hope you will come by and follow back. Juliana from a blonde walks into a blog

  13. The best thing to do is start off with your mind set on just making friends with boys....ask them about their interests and stuff....then just see what happens....

  14. This is so beautiful.
    Your letters make me smile, make me empathise and make me feel good about life, and the fact we're all struggling along together. I love your writing. Sending you a big, big Thank You all the way from England x


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