Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Remembering My Dad.

It's been 7 years ago today since my dad died. I'm spending a lot of time reflecting over everything that happened that day...seems I do that a lot, but more than ever, I'm replaying everything in my head today. Those photos are of my family and me when we went to New York City for the first time in 2002. It's bittersweet to look at those photos now and know that that was the last trip we ever took together. Two months later, he was diagnosed with sinus cancer, and another four months after that, he killed himself.

You all know about my anger toward my father. You've read about it in countless posts. And while, yes, I AM angry at him today - angry for leaving the family he supposedly loved more than anything, angry that I never got a proper chance to say goodbye - I know that under all that angry bravado is a daughter who is wounded and deeply misses her father. I may deny it, but not a day goes by that deep down in my heart, under those layers of anger, I just miss him.

I wish you were here, Dad. I miss you. And I'm sorry.

P.S. Time is so precious and short, so spend as much of it with the people you love while you have the chance.

32 comments:

  1. Oh Melissa,
    what a heartfelt and honest post.

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  2. Thank you for the reminder, we do need to love the ones we have as much as possible.

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  3. we never realise it, do we... time never forgives. Great post, thanks Melissa
    Lots of Love xoxo

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  4. That is so sad about your father, what an incredible honest post!

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  5. thanks for these sweet comments...they're definitely brightening my day.

    i've got myself mcdonald's for lunch and am about to sick down, relax and watch some of my DVR'd show. :)

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  6. So sorry about your loss :( thats tough stuff...

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  7. You are so right about spending time with those we love whilst we can. I hope you and your family are doing ok.

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  8. Melissa, While our experiences losing our dad's differ, know you are not alone in what you feel on the anniversary of his death.

    I am thinking of you today.

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  9. He's still with you, Melissa. Thinking of you.

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  10. Lots of love to you and your family today. xo

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  11. thanks again for all these sweet comments! xoxo

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  12. Melissa,

    Thinking of you today.

    xx,
    Samantha

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  13. sending you big hugs through the computer. xx

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  14. I love how honest you are.

    I recently found this quote and now seems as perfect a time as ever to share with you. "An important way to cope with grief is having an outlet, be it interpersonal, be it artistic, that will allow you to not have to contain your grief, but will give you an opportunity to express it, to externalize it to some degree." -R. Benyamin Cirlin

    To me it seems like that's what this blog is for you & I'm glad you have a way to express yourself because I enjoy reading every minute of it.

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  15. Thankyou for those thoughts today (((hugs)))

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  16. Hey guys -- just getting caught up on comments before I go to bed. Just wanted to say thanks again for all your kindness and support! Love you all!!

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  17. I am really sorry about your loss. I am sure he misses you too.

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  18. Oh sweetie, my thoughts are with you. I cannot begin to imagine the scope of your loss and the emotions that come from it. You are such a strong, intelligent woman, but it's nice that you aren't afraid to show your vulnerable side.

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  19. wow I was so struck by this because you have such a beautiful ability to express what most people can't!
    Hope you find healing from it all!
    <3

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  20. Thanks! I do feel a bit better today!

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  22. Thanks for the reminder. I'm sorry for your loss.

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  23. Melissa,

    Yesterday I was watching a movie and one of the characters says "I've learned so many things about life, but the most important one is that you need two things to be truly happy: love & forgiveness"
    Your dad loved you, never forget that :)

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  24. awww, marcela, thanks so much. i'm a work-in-progress with the whole forgiveness thing, but i'm trying! xoxo

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Your lovely comments make my day so much sweeter! Thanks for stopping by and saying hello!

xoxo

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