This has been on my mind this morning, and I'd love to ask you, friends: What qualities do you look for in a romantic partner?A few years ago, I posted about the list I'd carefully crafted when I was a teenager. It detailed the many - and very, very specific - traits my future boyfriends must possess. And yes, I was very emphatic about the word possess. These traits seemed so important at the time, the sort of make-it or break-it characteristics that would either send me to my happily-ever-after or a life of Bridget Jones spinsterhood.
And yet, the older I get, the more I'm realizing that all those traits that once seemed so important and all consuming just aren't, well, that important. Don't get me wrong here. I still have my favorites; It's just when I think about the future and what I'm looking for in another person, I just want someone who is caring and can make me laugh. I don't need a checklist for that.
I may not know all that much about love yet, but I do know three things:
*I know the fantasy is never going to live up to reality. That's just life, plain and simple.
*I know that life and love don't come with scripts. Things don't always work out the way you had them planned in your head.
*I know that anyone who says that they've never created the perfect fantasy in their heads is lying.
Hasn't everyone, at least at one point in their lives, had that fantasy in their heads, that glowing vision of your future? Everything is just as it should be. Having this fantasy doesn't make us wishful thinkers or unrealistic. It's just fun to dream, isn't it?We may have these fanciful fantasies swirling around in our heads, but really, I think most of us would rather take the real thing any day. I know I would. Because fantasies, perfect as they may be, are just that: too perfect. They're not real. You can't build your life on a fantasy, no matter how hard you try. But you can build your life on something real and genuine.
I know that life rarely goes the way we plan it out in our heads. If that were the case, my dad would be alive and I'd be the Barq's spokesgal. But he's not and Barq's hasn't come knocking on my door yet, so I try my best to throw my script out the window and not look back.Instead, I try to look ahead. Because person - the one who is caring and can make me laugh? That's the person that I'm going to want to travel on life's journey with - white horse or no white horse.
Thoughts...how about you? Are there certain traits you look for in another person? Do you think the fantasies we sometimes create in our heads will always disappoint us? Is it possible that the list of traits we have, however small, can keep up from meeting great people? Has your list of traits changed over the years? Increased? Decreased? I'd love to hear your thoughts, friends! xoxo
[Photos via Le Love]
10 Comments:
Hmmm you've got me thinking about what I would have said to his pre-Joe.
I always figured about going along with the "opposites attract" kind of line, so he'd of been super outgoing, crazy, loud, that kind of thing. But i'm actually in love with a guy that's very much like myself. He balances me and we totally complement each other. We're very similar in outlook, what makes us laugh, what we want to do and what we want out of life. I know some people get it down to the bare minimum of what colour hair their fantasy partner has, but i'm just glad I have my boy, he is like a dream.
So I guess in answer - balance is what i need.
I always wanted a friend who I was also in love with. You know? Somebody easy to get along with. I never agreed that relationships HAD to be difficult.
exactly, anon! my parents were best friends and were also in love with each other! :)
what anon said! i cant date a guy if we haven't gotten to know each as friends first but more importantly he has to remain a friend too! sense of humor is an absolute must too. i'm also a sucker for artsy guys since im a creative person, so i tend to only fall for guys like that :)
Interesting question- one that I haven't asked myself in a really long time. But I have to say that I subconsciously think about it all the time. Basically, what I want from my partner is someone who treats me right and someone who tries his best in everything he does.
I think one of the most important traits that someone should look for in a partner is to be respected. A lot of good comes from being respected.
I do believe the fantasies we create in our head will always disappoint.
And I think having a list is good, but can also make us picky at times, looking for perfection when it doesn't exist.
I may sound cynical, but this is what I think about the subject. Great questions! I enjoyed thinking about them!
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss.
Anon -- I love that quote! :)
poppies, respect is also at the top of my list!
Falling in love with your best friend is totally possible. However, for me it was the other way around. Physical attraction is what led me to the guy I'm with now. Not only did I end up with a great boyfriend that I'm head over heels for, but I ended up with a new best friend that I can trust with anything. :)
Post a Comment