Man Candy Monday

Happy Monday, friends! Hope you have a splendid day. I first discovered this guy when he starred in a movie with this guy. He seems charmning. He seems witty. And he seems incredibly sweet...

ANDREW GARFIELD!!!!!!!!!!

How I Feel (In 5 Photos) Wednesday.

"Don't stop believing...hold on to that feeling." --Journey

[Photos via dreaming]

Update.

I'm sitting here trying to think of something to post but am having a difficult time concentrating, so I thought I'd give you an update on my progress. As it turns out, the insurance company only authorized me for 3 days in the outpatient program. Can you believe that, friends? So today I go for an assessment for a program closer to home. I'm a bit nervous about it, obviously, but I know I need some sort of outpatient care.

I never thought depression would ever creep into my life like this. I started some new medicines last week, so we'll see if those help. I hate to be so negative, but I just want my life to get back to normal. It's getting harder and harder to remember a time when I was well, and that scares me, friends. And it doesn't help that everything seems so overwhelming. Even the simplest tasks take so much effort. I'm trying to tell myself that it's just a symptom of the depression, and I'm going to keep telling myself that.

I'd love a little distraction, so tell me...what's going on in your life, friends? Thanks as always for listening.

Fortune Cookie Purse.

Aren't these fortune cookie purses genius? The best part: They even come with a fortune inside! xoxo

Checking In.

Hello, friends. How are you all doing today? It's almost time for me to leave for my second day of the outpatient program, and I must admit that I'm a bit nervous. I still can't seem to concentrate on much of anything and am still feeling restless. I'm trying to stay in the present and not get bogged down by my anxiety.

The program itself seems to be going well. Granted, I've only been there for one day, but I'm learning some good coping skills. I'm also slowly realizing how sneaky depression can be. Mine was coming on for awhile and I didn't even see it. Or maybe I didn't want to see it? It's hard to admit when we're struggling, and maybe I didn't want to admit that to myself or anyone else for that matter. But I'm here now and am trying to make the best of it. Thanks again for your continued support, and I'll write again later. I can't wait for the day when I'm back to my regular posting schedule. I'll get there.

How I Feel (In 5 Photos) Wednesday.

"The sun will come out tomorrow." --Annie

[Photos via Chasing Pavements]

Home Again.

Hello, friends. It's good to be back writing on my blog again. I had another setback and was in the hospital over the weekend. This time, it wasn't so much my depression as it was my anxiety. I just never realized how debilitating depression and anxiety can be. I just don't feel like myself and will be contiuing with an outpatient program for a couple of weeks. I honestly never thought something like this would happen to me, and I appreciate all your thoughts and well wishes. I'll try to update as much as I can. Lots of love! xoxo

P.S. Did you all have a good Valentine's Day? Here's hoping it was lovely!!

Day #1

Day #1 you might ask? Day #1 of what? Well, as you know I have really been suffering with an uncharacteristic bout of depression lately. I used to be so happy and carefree. But, right before the holidays I became clinically depressed. As you know, from my mom's (well constructed, I might add) updates, I was in the hospital for 5 days in January.

To make a long story short, which is about all I can do at one time, I started an outpatient treatment program today. I have hopes that this will help me in my recovery so I can get back to my old self.

Thanks to those of you who have sent me suggestions, wished me well and kept me in your thoughts. I appreciate everything. I'll keep you posted as best I can, as the 2 week program progresses!

How I Feel (In 5 Photos) Wednesday.

"I, I will survive..." --Gloria Gaynor

[Photos via dreaming]

Valentine Fruit.

I know these downloadable Valentine's Day stickers from Twig & Thistle have been making their way around the blogosphere, but I just couldn't resist posting them. You all know I love a good play on words! xoxo

Not Feeling Well.

I haven't been feeling well for the last few days. I went back to the doctor and he changed my medicine, so we'll see if that helps. I'm just so frustrated with all of this, and I feel like I can't do anything. My concentration level has dropped to next to nothing, and I feel like I can't focus on anything.

SO...with that in mind, I'm going to be cutting back to doing one post per day. I hate to do this, but I just don't have the strength right now to do more than that. I hope you can understand, friends.

For those who have suffered from depression, did you feel like this? What helped you the most?

[Photo via Audrey Hepburn Complex]

Sunny Engagement Shoot.

In this cold weather, this sunny engagement shoot (with a lemonade stand theme, no less) of Alanna and Tim has me craving summer and sunshine. Isn't it romantic?

[Via 100 Layer Cake]

Baby Photos.

On this cold and (still!) snowy day, I thought it would be neat to show you some of my baby photos. Did your parents save lots of photos from when you were little? It's fun to take them out and look at them every now and then.

P.S. The story behind that shot of me next to the cookie box is that I crawled all the way across the floor just to get to those cookies. See, I loved food even then! :)

Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #127

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
I have visible scars all over my body. They dot my arms and legs in zigzag patterns. And quite frankly, they're sort of hard to miss. I can't easily cover them up, and the strange thing is, I haven't ever really wanted to. My mentality always was that people are going to have to get to know me and my scars. It's all part of the package, if you will.

And you're no different, Sweetpea. I often wonder what we'll do when we get to the "scars' part of our relationship. For the longest time, I've tried to picture what it would be like, that first time you catch a glimpse of one of my scars. Did I recoil in terror or embarrassment? Did you stutter as you tried to say something to lighten the mood? I can picture it being a bit awkward, and try as I probably will to lighten the mood, we'll surely have a lot to talk about that day.

I wonder: Are my scars going to scare you? It's one thing to talk about scars, but seeing them is a whole different ballgame. I don't want you to be scared. After all, I'm not going to be scared of any of your scars - real or metaphorical - either.
Speaking of scars, have you ever thought what things would be like if I didn't have a disability? I'll admit that I've thought about that a few times recently, and I wonder if your mind will drift to it too. How would our relationship be different? Would it even have to be different? Emotionally, I don't think it would be that much different. And that's really what's the most important, right?

Just rest assured, Sweetpea, that I've grown to a pretty cool place. I'm finally comfortable with my scars and am not afraid to show them. I rock a mean pair of shorts and don't care if a scar or two or even three is visible. I chalk it up to the fact that it's just part of who I am. Everyone has scars, right? Some people's are just easier to see than others. Mine might be easier to see, but remember, Sweetpea, those little scars don't define me. I've never let them have that much power over me, and I never intend to. But I do look forward to talking about them later with you. There's a story behind every single one of them. Until we meet...

[Photos via Audrey Hepburn Complex]

Gem Necklaces.

Now, these gem necklaces are entirely out of my price range, but it's fun to dream, isn't it, friends?

[Via Unruly Things]

Snowstorm!

We here in the Midwest are getting socked with a huge blizzard today. It started yesterday, and now snow is everywhere! Are you buried under piles of snow? It's actually the perfect excuse to stay indoors. My mom, ever the adventurous one, braved the cold and took these photos this morning. I thought you'd enjoy them, friends! Stay warm! xoxo

How I Feel (In 5 Photos) Wednesday.

"And you can tell everybody this is your song." --Elton John

[Photos via dreaming]

Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #126

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
A reader recently asked me this question: "What have you done recently to try to meet Mr. Melissa Blake."

Honestly, the question caught me off guard a bit. I didn't really know what to say or even how to even begin to respond. Well, I knew the short answer.

"Nothing."

I haven't been exactly tearing up the dance floor at the hottest clubs in town or sipping root beer over a candlelit dinner. Those sorts of things aren't particularly on my radar right now. Maybe that's neither a good nor bad thing. It just is. I figure I'll meet you, Sweetpea, when the time is right, and maybe now isn't the best time. In case you haven't heard, I'm a little bit of a mess these days. A work in progress, if you will. I don't think I should feel the least bit guilty about that either. These days, it seems like people are so quick to say they're with someone or are in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, Sweetpea. I do want those things too. But is it bad if I'm not actively looking for it right now? Honestly, and maybe this is a bit selfish, I'm not sure I would have the energy to put into a relationship right now. Not the sort of energy needed to make a relationship thrive; and I'm not about to settle for anything less than a thriving relationship. No one should ever settle for anything less than that.
So maybe it's OK that for now, you are still just a person I write letters to, but I haven't met yet. Maybe for now, the fantasy and the speculation in my head will have to be enough. For me and for everyone. Because in life, you have to go at your own speed, or youll trip over your own feet, and nothing good has ever come of that. I'm going to go at my own pace. Even if I don't want to. Even if it seems like everyone else is plowing steadfast ahead of me, leaving me in the dust. And I'll be happier in the long-run because of it. Until we meet...

[Photos via Le Love and We Heart It]

Dream Home: Treehouse.

I've written about my love of treehouses before and how I never had one when I wasa a kid. But this treehouse, well, house takes the cake for me. How awesome would it be to live there and wake up to nature so close by every morning? I can imagine the light streaming through the windows, making everything nice and cozy. Ahhhh! :)

[Via The Drifter and the Gypsy]