Thursday, May 31, 2012

Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #157.

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
Who’s there?
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles.

Are you laughing?

Sometimes it takes awhile to find your funny bone, Sweetpea. That's one thing you should know about me because, well, let's just say that I was a rather late bloomer when it came to the world of comedy. I was no Tina Fey, trust me. Apparently, I was born without a funny bone – or a funny hip or a funny arm or even a funny spleen. My body is literally devoid of funniness.

It takes a certain kind of person to tell a certain kind of joke, doesn't it? There's the Three Stooges approach to jokes. My father was a big fan of this one. Every year without fail, he brought out his prized Whoopee Cushion (that he bought at one of MY elementary school carnivals). He'd discretely place it on a chair or on the couch and stand in wait for the unsuspecting victim to flatten it with their fanny. My mother usually fell victim to these pranks, and the day usually ended with my mother giving him some sort of lecture about etiquette as though he were an errant school boy.
Then there are those long-winded jokes that resemble more of a story than an actual quick knee-slapper. My mother usually wins the prize for these jokes, and thanks to her sometimes absent memory, interjects a lot of "Oh wait, that's not right" or "Now how did it go...?" Somehow after 15 minutes of these shenanigans, we all lost interest.

My sister, bless her sweet little heart, is the champion of the unintentional joke, a statement meant in all seriousness to the person speaking, but leaves those on the receiving end doubled over in stitches. For proof, just ask her about a certain telephone book listing in Iowa which she mistakenly read as "Spruce Hills Dr. (she read Dr. as doctor) Bettendorf." She's still looking for that doctor, but she can't seem to find him on Spruce Hills Drive. Go figure.
I suppose it equally takes a certain type of person to appreciate a joke. I've never experienced the thrill that comes with those types of jokes that send your belly into bouts of bubbly rumblings, that give your knee a slight bruise from all that slapping or even the kind that leave tiny tear drops cascading down your cheeks. I'm the either laughing just so I'm not the only fool in the room or covering my mouth so others don't notice that I'm indeed yawning instead of smiling. It is indeed a hard life for us outside the Jokester's Circle. We want to spontaneously chuckle. We want to genuinely laugh. At the very least, we want our clever remarks to be met with more than a blank, pathetic stare.
While I wait for that glorious day to come, I continue to search for my missing funny bone. Do let me know if you find the little rascal, Sweetpea. What is your sense of humor like? I can't wait to find out...and I can't wait to laugh endlessly with you. Until we meet... xoxo

P.S. If you are confused over the Bettendorf bumbling, well, then that demonstrates my lack of joke telling skills. My mission is complete.

[Photos via We Heart It]


  1. You're not alone. It's hard for me to take a joke most of the time. Just my serious nature, I guess. I do love hearing others laugh, though. :)

  2. Hey, everybody is different. That's just how you are! :-)

    I guess I am blessed with being funny and the ability to make others laugh. I am more sure of my sense of humor than my looks or anything else.

    I find humor in almost everything. I'd describe myself as a fairly silly person. That doesn't mean ditzy. Just...thinking of silly things a lot.

    But oh my goodness, can my boyfriend tell a joke and just bomb. But that's OK. He's a serious guy. He always says I lightened him up, and it's true. Even if he sometimes steals my lines and re-tells them as his own....that's ok. :-)

    I'm sure you and your future Sweet Pea will find the right combo. :-)

  3. I have more of a quirky sense of humor and can laugh pretty easily. I have a harder time with sarcastic humor though. My husband is the one-liner type and I love that too!

  4. I like your aardvark joke!

    I'm definitely in the jokesters circle (with the classic and often under appreciated whoopee cushion being one of my all time favorite pranks. Farts are funny... I'm laughing as I type) ;)

    Mr. Right will have the ability to always make you laugh. Even when you don't want too... Like when you're slightly ticked off at him. That's part of what will make him so special.

  5. I love to hear people laugh too, Mandy! Such a pure joy!

  6. Anon -- my parents were the same way in that they balanced each other out like you and your husband, only my mom was the serious one and my day was the jokester.

  7. Mel,

    I'm not good at telling jokes and I feel weird for not getting the punchline sometimes. My hubby, on the other hand, is the comedian. His jokes and stories are sometimes racist and mysogenistic, but always lewd. And people laugh. Laugh hard. Laugh until your sides hurt. I'm always scared he's going to go too far and get punched in the nose. Suprisingly, no one has told me he offended them. Our elderly neighbor has a metal rooster in her yard. He told her "Let me guess. You like big cocks." All I could do was stand there in horror. She thought it was the funniest thing she ever heard.

  8. The whoopi cushion reminds me of my father, maybe it's just a man thing!
    I love seeing people laughing, or just smiling, it gives off a great feeling! (I just wish I could tell better jokes).

    Just when you thought

  9. I'm weird about humor... I have a really dry sense of humor but I'm also kind of sensitive so... I guess I can dish it but I can't take it?


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