Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Love Lounge: On what women want

On Monday, we discussed the possible perks and pitfalls of falling in love with someone's potential, and it got me thinking about what exactly it is that women want when it comes to love and relationships. Now, I'm not talking about a fling; those aren't the sort of relationships that have any sort of staying power. I'm talking about a relationship that has muster, the kind that is made for the long haul. That's the kind of relationship I want.

But, beyond that, what am I looking for? And what do women want? I used to think I had it all easily and effortlessly mapped out. Remember when I made The List when I was 17? You know, that loooong list of must-have qualities that said guy in said relationship must possess? Well, I'm starting to realize that list may actually be holding me back more than it's helping me get ahead. Heck, it hurts my head just re-reading it. How could I ever expect anyone to live up to those sorts of standards? So many times, women hear men ask, "What do women want? I have no idea." Well, here it is -- the Top 3 things I want...

We want you -- flaws and all
Flaws, when they're not too severe or dangerous, mind you, are what makes relationships exciting. They add that extra spark to those fireworks. Someone who is comfortable showing their flaws and vulnerable side is, hands-down, one of the most attractive things in the world to me. It shows that there's a depth to the relationship that you can build a true foundation on. Besides, what's so great about normal, anyway? I'm starting to think it's pretty overrated, to tell you the truth.

We want someone to make us laugh
I've said it before: I love, love, love to laugh. I firmly believe a little laughter can go a long way. Wanting to make people laugh shows that you care about their happiness and want to do everything in your power to keep them happy. I become instantly comfortable around a guy who can make me laugh. True, I sometimes may be blushing while I'm laughing, but that's beside the point. My heart thrives on laughter.

We want someone who listens -- actually listens -- to us
Life pulls everyone in a million different directions, but taking the time to listen to another person and actually care what they have to say is one of those indispensable traits. We all want to feel validated and understood and valued, don't we?
There have been movies made about what women want, countless books spouting hundreds of differing theories on the matter. But alas, like many things in life, this is a two-way street. For centuries, women have been wondering what men want. Sometimes, we're probably right. And then other times? Well, we're probably painfully wrong. Dead wrong.

So, friends, I'd love to know: What do women want when it comes to love and relationships? What do men want? Do they differ in what's important to them? Why do you think that is? What do you want? Have your needs and wants changed as you've gotten older? xoxo

[Photos via Le Love]


  1. I like your three. And mostly agree!

    What do I want? They HAVE to love animals. If they really care for all living creatures, then it shows me that they have a bigger respect for our environment, children and in the end, me. Love it when a man can be in touch with his more sensitive side... which I find to be super attractive.


  2. Honestly I think men want respect.

    For me, I want sincerity. There's more, of course, but I thought I'd keep it simple. If I only knew then {in the dating world} what I know now... ha ha.

  3. Trust; first, last, and always. I can't love someone I can't trust, simple as that...and the Great Scot (my hubs) says the same thing. 3M, who emigrated here when we married, had to wait almost 2 years for work authorisation and I supported us during that act of trust (although several 'friends' and family members thought it an act of stupidity. Boy was there egg on their faces when, a few years later, I wasn't able to work due to health issues. Without hesitation or recrimination 3M stepped up to the plate and has supported us since; although I finally get to go back to work, yay!

    Kindness: One of the things I respect most about my Great Scot is his bone-deep kindness. He might snark jokingly but he's also the kind of man who got a laptop, then repaired and updated it so we could give it to the disabled son of a co-worker who has to go to hospital for painful treatments on a regular basis. He didn't tell anyone he was going to do it; nor has he mentioned it since, it was just a good thing he could do to help someone and yet another reason I love him more every day.

    These two things, along with the three you wrote about, are what keep our love strong, growing, and joyful.

    Excellent subject Melissa; I'm glad you brought it up.

  4. A guy that appreciates you is important, someone that makes you feel special and beautiful without having to make any grand gestures to get there.

  5. I like your lists....seems like you've put a great deal of thought into what you are looking for in a are you actually going to DO to meet this guy?? I think your readers would find that much more of an interesting read than just another wishful fantasy spun in your head while sitting at home in front of your computer. Now that you aren't leaving the house to go to a job...what are you doing socially to get out and mingle with people your own age?? Church activities? Volunteer work? On-line dating? Seriously, Melissa....and this is a very valid exactly do you plan to find this guy if you don't get out into this wonderful world and make your presence known??????? These blogs of yours have been going on for years with exactly the same theme, over and over and over again. And guy is in your dating....nobody even in your radar, it seems. Yeah, yeah...I know the drill. You don't like this post or you don't have a valid answer or you don't want a post with a negative, inquisitive tone in your portfolio of blogs, so you'll just delete this and life for you will go on as normal....nothing much changes in your extremely narrow and sheltered world. You'll continue to spin your fantasies about the love you so desperately seek. You seem like a nice person....I truly wish you could meet someone..then your blogs would have some actual substance!!!!!

  6. This is a good list, Melissa. Honestly, men want basically the same things (I have found.). And other people's additions here are also spot-on.

    Now. I want to say that this Anonymous person, who seems to turn up quite often, is a pain to have to read. I just cannot stand these useless, cruel comments. They add nothing & detract from my experience here. It's not like they're even brave enough to say who they are.


  7. Holly and Jacque -- those are definitely important and awesome traits!

  8. Anon -- people go at their own pace. I am more than happy with my life right now.

    p.s. thanks, guilia, i know, right? it's amazing how free people feel to leave rude comments when they can hide...

  9. Dear Melissa! You are so right on, as always. I want, or better yet, NEED to be myself all the time. I need to be able to be ME in the relationship. I want/need to be able to talk and discuss to everything and anything with my significant other. I want my significant other to be generous and 200% honest and open about his feelings -the good, the bad and the ugly! I want him to feel the need of sharing his life/ thoughts/ dreams with me. I want to be listened and respected. Yeah..that's pretty much the core of what I want as a foundation of my relationship. Darling, I invite you to read my last post as u have been one of my main inspirations...would love to hear your opinion! XOXO

  10. Being understanding is also very important. There are a lot of things my husband and I have in common but there are also a ton of things we don't and respecting each others' differences is a big part of being happy together. I like your list Melissa. I think too often we get really specific about what we want out of relationships, when all of the important stuff is basic (trust, laughter, respect) or intangible (chemistry, love).

  11. Great post :-)

    I would say I want kindness and well, someone who just likes me - and will stick up for me. I think that's something women like about guys in general, whether it's your dad or a big brother. Someone who sticks up for you.

    (Random but I heard my boyfriend's parents talking about guys being rude and his mom mentioned a boyfriend who was mean to her and his dad got mad - "Who was he?!?! What did he do??" even though it happened 40 years ago. I thought that was sweet.)

    I think men want respect (as a previous commenter mentioned) and also kindness and compassion. You know? Someone who will give you a big hug at the end of the day.


  12. I think that is part of the reason that I didn't get married earlier. I didn't know who I was really when I was in my early 20's and I felt I needed to know myself and be out in the 'real' world before I became a we.

  13. No you don't want flaws. What you try and do is to change men into what you want then when he does you don't want him anymore.

    You don't want laughter. You want equality. Ask a female to tell you a joke. THE most likely response is she doesn't know any.

    Really, though, who cares what females want. It's not men. You've been calling us rats, pigs, dogs, snakes, paedophiles, thugs, commitment-phobes etc for 50 years. If I don't like a female and don't contact her again then I am a douchebag, a frog etc. Yet you utterly refuse to take responsibility for your own actions. It's always the fault of men. E.g. if you are single is that because of YOU or some fault of men. It's men, of course. There aren't enough men. There are no good men. Men are commitment phobes. Keep it up ladies. In 2020 you will be replaced and we shall no longer have to have anything to do with you other than professionally.

    Look at you. All you can offer a man these days is a 75% chance you will ruin his life. You females are not partners but liabilities. Then you can't figure out why men don't want you.

  14. So creative...have an awesome weekend doll! xoxo


Your lovely comments make my day so much sweeter! Thanks for stopping by and saying hello!


Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin