Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #160.

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
How honest were we with each other in the beginning -- both when we first met and while we were dating? Now, Sweetpea, I'm not talking about the little things like our favorite foods or our favorite colors or what grave atrocities we committed as children. I'm talking about the big stuff, the sort of things healthy relationships are based on. Things like who we are. Things like what we want in life. Things like what we value, believe and dream about.

I used to wonder how much about my father's suicide, my struggles with depression and life with a physical disability I should share with people -- and well, especially you, Sweetpea. But then I realized that talking -- and writing -- honestly and from the heart was the only way I knew how to do it. And people really appreciate it in the end. When you're able to connect with someone on such an intimate level, it's almost as if they're giving you a glimpse into their soul. Not everyone is comfortable with being so vulnerable and open...can you believe there was a time that I was a lot more guarded than I am now in the summer of 2012? It takes courage to open up, to speak your truth and your story, so when you meet someone who wants to let you in? Well, that's a powerful thing, if you ask me.

And when it's all said and done? That's exactly what I want for us, Sweetpea. To let each other in, not in some superficial way, but with an honesty like no other. That sort of no-holding-back, I'm-in-this-for-the-long-haul, I-never-want-to-turn-back sort of honesty. Does that make any sense?
There are far too many dishonest and heartless people in this world. And there are even more couples who live for years together without ever being honest with each other. I never, ever want us to become one of those couples. Being honest just takes a huge weight off your shoulders. When you're honest and not afraid to be who you are -- there's nothing better in the world. Besides, you'll probably learn pretty quickly that honesty will always be the way to go with me. Are you ready, Sweetpea? Until we meet... xoxo

[Photos via Le Love]

16 comments:

Jacquelineand.... said...

It is that honesty which keeps me coming back to your blog Melissa. Let's face it, fluff can be found anywhere...someone who speaks from the heart? Not so much.

Melissa Blake said...

Awww, thanks, Jacque! xoxo

THE ALTERNATIVE WIFE said...

Beautiful Melissa! It's true that honesty is the key to a healthy relationship. And your future husband is going to be lucky to have that in you. xoxo

Lena at A Crimson Kiss said...

This is such a beautiful letter–and Jacqueline put it perfectly, because it truly is your honesty that captures each of us and brings us back.

April said...

Another beautiful post. Great point Melissa!

Stella said...

amazing post. as always ;)

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Giulia said...

This is so true. And it can be difficult...I'm in the fifth month of a new relationship (long-distance for now, yikes). It is a relief & it is scary, too, to be so honest. But it's the only way to go. Lovely words, as always, Melissa.

xo/Susan

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with the other commenters who believe that this is a “beautiful” and "true" post. The reason? This statement of yours Melissa: “There are far too many dishonest and heartless people in this world. And there are even more couples who live for years together without ever being honest with each other." Do you really believe that? That’s quite a cynical, ugly outlook on humankind and even more so on coupledom.
Platitudes about honesty are great for fantasy romance blogs, novels, song lyrics and movies. But getting to “honesty” in a relationship is a journey, not a destination. People are people; they make mistakes. They hide things or keep thoughts and feelings to themselves for a myriad of personal reasons (family history, traumatic experiences, guilt and shame). It doesn’t mean that they are “dishonest or heartless”, it just means that they may not be ready now, later or even ever to talk about some things. What two people do in the aftermath of a disclosure or revelation about a secret or a lie or a deceit is far more important in measuring the strength and fortitude of a relationship than whether or not they were 100% honest, 100% of the time from day one.

Melissa Blake said...

Oh, Anon -- I agree with you. I didn't mean to paint all of humanity in such a cynical way. I just meant that when really get to know someone, being able to be yourself could be such a freeing thing.

Also, amen about honesty being a journey and not a destination. It's a lifelong journey, and you're right, there will be hills and valleys along the way. :)

Laura said...

Loved this! I understand what anon said about honesty not being a destination, but it's still extremely important. There were a lot of things (fears, hang-ups, opinions, desires) that I was honest with my husband about from day one that have changed. I think the important thing, and you acknowledged this in your post Melissa, is that you keep communicating truthfully even as you change your mind/feelings about things. This is how couples get to grow. Sadly I do know couples that don't feel comfortable being honest with each other about their needs and I can see how it's hurting their relationship. I also know people who have changed their minds on their stance about kids but are afraid to address this with their spouse...

Anonymous said...

Melissa,

Could you ever feel fulfilled and truly happy if there is no Mr. Blake to grow old with? Have you ever considered that you might be simply a spectator in the game of love and never get the chance to know what it feels like to love someone and have them love you back? It's not that I don't want you to find someone, but what if there is no one for you?

Susan K said...

Melissa,
This is quite beautiful and you should not worry about never meeting your Sweetpea. I was 38 when, one snowy day in an early December, I was leaving a business meeting in a hotel restaurant. It was a very ritzy hotel with marble floors. I heard the sound of someone running up behind me. Then, he called out my name and "stop, please!" It was the guy from the crowded meeting that was too far away to talk to but that I noticed. He and I were the only ones at the business lunch to order the dessert (chocolate mousse). Johnny and I have been together for 20 years now. I had given up and concentrated on my career when he literally ran into my life that day. He literally came running! The first thing he said to me was 'I've been looking for you". Hang in there, Melissa. He will come.

Wendy said...

Amen, Melissa!

Melissa Blake said...

Hi Anon -- good question. I do know that love is never a guaranteed thing, which is what makes it so rare and amazing.

I love this topic and will address it next week's Question of the Week! Thanks so much! xoxo

ohshittheyalreadyhaveeverything said...

You're lovelly, Today I've found a beautiful drawning, and didn't resist to make it an wedding invitation.. but i've never had a boyfriend.. so i felt like: omg what am i doing? but it's completly normal to wish for someone, isn't it? and as you said to the anon, love is magical..
and even if it never get us in the romantical way, we've already had lots of it from family, friends.. and you got mine love from this moment on :D kisses , dear

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