Monday, October 29, 2012

Love Lounge: On regrets

If I've learned anything, it's that love and regret can sometimes be the best of friends. Where matters of the heart are concerned, I suppose it just has to be that way sometimes; there's no going around it. It's how we grow. It's how we learn. It's the one way that we can make mistakes and know that we'll have the comfort of a safety net to fall into. Because when you think about it, love is ripe for punches of regret to your heart. Maybe you regret a date. Maybe you regret an entire relationship. Maybe you regret those angry words you said in the heat of an argument. Or maybe you regret the words you just never found the courage to say -- words that just never made their way from your heart to your vocal chords.

I know about that last scenario all too well. But, I've come to a realization, thanks in part to an interview I did on Glamour's Smitten last year. I'd had a crush on the son of a family friend since I was 13. We were the same age, but I was always too shy to tell him how I felt. It never failed that I turned into a blubbering, awkward mess any time I was around him. Then a few years ago, I wrote about him here, and although I didn't use his name, he discovered I was writing about him. The 13-year-old in me was squealing with glee, but the woman in me was somewhat terrified. He suggested that we hang out to see where things went, but I froze up and chickened out. It didn't help that we also got into a bit of a debate over the whole issue of looks vs. personality when it comes to dating. And honestly, I may have been a bit too hard on him, something I still feel bad about. It was almost as if I was letting my own insecurities stop me from trying something new. I was so afraid, so certain that there was no way he could ever see past my disability that I wouldn't even allow myself to take that chance. Why risk being hurt, I reasoned?
I was actually thinking about the whole debacle recently, and realized that he might have been right about something. He once told me that I shouldn't try to back my way out of what I was trying to do after I built up the courage to do it. Maybe it all stemmed from those feelings of self-doubt when it came to my disability that I'd be carrying with me for all those years. Maybe my fear did stop me from seeing where things would go with him. After all, I had created this fantasy in my head for the past 13 years, and the moment I had a chance to see if that fantasy could turn into something even resembling reality, I recoiled. So, Stephen, if you're reading this, I really am sorry for the way things turned out.

So, friends, do you believe regrets are part of the package when it comes to love? What do you think regrets teach us? What is your #1 regret in love? What would you do differently if you could? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]


  1. I think it's wonderful that you wrote about this. I have let my naiveness and insecurities get the best of me. I've also been blinded by the other person's arrogance. Then I decided to let my guard down and throw away my list of the perfect boyfriend and fell for a guy that really no one still approves of but I've been really happy (although there are some complications which is a different story). I guess sometimes you just have to let the person really show you that they're okay with who you are and you should stop pushing people away. You'll be surprised. I also understand that sometimes people can have second thoughts once they do know the true you but those are the guys that you brush off and tell them its their loss.

  2. "It's the one way that we can make mistakes and know that we'll have the comfort of a safety net to fall into.". What does this sentence mean? What safety net?

  3. Hi Anon -- I just meant that the safety net is sort of those lessons we learn. The lessons sort of soften the blow of making mistakes. It makes making mistakes a little easier...knowing that we'll at least be learning something in the end.

    I probably could have worded it a bit better hahaha

  4. As always, great post! Regrets are definitely part of the package. They teach us not to make the same mistake twice (or 3, 4, 5 times). We don't usually listen, though. :)

    I regret getting married the second time, it was for all the wrong reasons. That lesson that stuck.

  5. Ok. I did not understand that. Thank you.


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