Tuesday, November 13, 2012

An Open Letter To You

Dear Anonymous: By now, I'm sure you know who you are. In fact, I'm pretty sure the entire world knows who you are. It's sad, but true. You're sad and pathetic and a whole bunch of other colorful adjectives, but because I'm a lady, we'll just stick with those three for right now.

I always have this inner war with myself about even acknowledging your existence. It usually goes something like this: The rational side of my brain says, "They're just trying to get a rise out of you. Don't even give him/her the satisfaction." The other half of my brain, the half that wants to stand up for injustices everywhere, says, "Their behavior is most definitely not OK, and you have to call them out on their behavior."

I'd say I've done a pretty good job of listening to my rational side. I've learned to keep my cool. I haven't flown off the handle in a crazy rage when you poked fun at my deformities. I laughed off the idiocy when you likened me to a certain Mr. Magoo. I even turned a blind eye to your sheer ignorance when you used cringe-worthy words like cripple and said that all men would forever be repulsed by me.

Then I came across this little gem of a comment...

You really shouldn't concern yourself with dating, engagements, or getting married. No guy will ever be interested in you. You look like Jabba-The-Hut with a small mouth and oversized glasses. You ought to write a column about how no guy has ever flirted with you (a pre-dating ritual) and how you will die alone. Don't you ever wonder what it's like to kiss someone or to feel his arm around your shoulder?
And let's not forget this one...

Guys don't think you as "the one who got away." No guy regrets not having you in his life. Why? I don't want to state the obvious because I'm not a mean person and this post isn't meant to be mean. In fact, I do want you to find "the one." And I do want a guy to want you for more than just a friend. I think you set your sights too high. If you are only attracted to guys who look like the guys on your Man Candy Mondays, then you going to be alone for the rest of your life. You should look for guys who are disabled like yourself. Very few men will fall in love with a disabled woman whom they will have to support and care for.

Now, that's a lot to take in, isn't it? Such emotionally charged language for someone who isn't even comfortable signing his/her name. I've often wondered what about me has drawn you in, time and time again, and made you get so worked up over someone you don't even know. Is it really all worth it? It seems to me that there are hundreds of other things -- far more productive things -- that you could do with your time.
It's true that I could have simply turned the other cheek to this one, too, just like I'd done with all the other crude, rude and just downright mean insults you've thrown my way. But this time? Something just felt, well, different. It wasn't just that I wanted to call you out on your lameness, but I felt like I had to -- like I had some sort of responsibility to address you, my face to your faceless cowardly face, as it were. Because this letter is for people everywhere, really. For those who want to stand up to Anonymous cowards the world over. Because sometimes, not saying anything is the silent equivalent of saying that sort of behavior is acceptable. And it's most definitely not acceptable. Standing up for myself and others who have fallen victim to the Anonymous-rant trend doesn't mean I'm stooping to your sad, lowly level, nor does it mean that I'm as immature as you are. It's all about standing up for myself and being strong enough to say, "I will not let you treat me this way. Enough is enough." Well, Anonymous, enough surely is enough. Enough is enough with you and your anonymous hate dribble. Un-xoxo

P.S. My advice: Get out more. Take up a new hobby. Meet friends for lunch. There's a whole world out there beyond your little anonymous bubble. Isn't it about time you started exploring it? Someone gave me that great little piece of advice once. Now who was it? Let me think...oh, yes, that's right. It was you...don't you think it's time to finally take your own advice?

[Photos via We Heart It]

40 comments:

  1. Sad that some people are so smsll minded and.... Negative... As u said there are lots more words..

    Keep bein beautiful! Screw them

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  2. I just have one thing to say. I recently started an online "relationship" with another disabled person. He claimed it didn't bother him that I was disabled, he claimed he didn't care how much weight I had to lose due to medication, he made all sorts of claims and promises that I needed to hear, and then turned around and fell off the face of the planet and ignored me just like all the other guys had in my past. So, these people's thinking that dating someone "more like you" will be easier are dead wrong. If the person isn't a good person, he just isn't a good person.

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  3. I can't even believe people can be so cruel.

    Wait. Yes I can. I'm going to state the obvious here. Some people are assholes. Some people are petty assholes who thrive off of making other people feel bad. It gives them a high or something. It's the only thing that makes them feel better about themselves.

    So, pardon my French, fuck them. You are so much better than these cowardly pieces of crap that can't even be bothered to sign their real names.

    Anyone who hides behind "anonymous" really just needs to grow a pair.

    Haha. Okay. I'm done now. Stepping off my soapbox.

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  4. Tell it, sister! I love this post. Haters gonna' hate indeed.

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  5. This is why you are one of my favorite bloggers/writers.

    There are times I read those comments and get so mad (like - extremely pissed off - mean people suck is putting it lightly) ... And I always hope that you don't take the cruelty to heart. I think of how accomplished you are and how you have more talent, class, beauty and strength in your pinky nail then pathetic anon will ever have (emphasis on "ever").

    Yay. :)

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  6. You are incredible strong, you're a great writer and a very creative and thoughtful person. I'm sorry to hear that someone feels the need to project negativity your way. Please know that it's very important to not ingest even a slight bit of it, as it will weigh you down and we all know misery loves company. Let it go and keep doing your thing. Again, I'm really sorry to hear that this has been happening to you.

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  7. I am so sorry you have had to endure such cruelty from this anonymous asshat, but tip my hat to you for the gracious, reasonable and classy way you have chosen to handle it. I will never truly understand why people spew hate, but I'm glad you're able to rise above it while also standing up for yourself and others. Great post.

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  8. its funny how easily people can show off their insecurity issue. i actually feel extreme pity for how sad that anonymous person's life must be.

    dear anonymous, get a life.

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  9. Anonymity radiates gray and darkness. You radiate vibrant colors, life and beauty. I find it ironic that someone from an anonymous stand point can try to point out your "flaws" without even revealing the identity of their undoubtedly flawed selves. Although sometimes I even find it difficult when the ignorant comments come from someone with an identity because it makes me want to hate everyone associated with them and when that makes me feel guilty I end up wanting to hate myself. I really love the way that you handled this. I know from personal experience this type of confrontation is not always an easy task. xoxo

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  10. I always read Anonymous comments and wonder who pissed in his/her cornflakes that morning. Then I get mad b/c there's just no reason you should be treated like that by someone you don't know. Then I get sad b/c the truth is that Anonymous is probably so unhappy with his/her life that they feel they have no other choice but to make other people feel like crap. But you, Melissa, have the right attitude. Go ahead, dust your shoulders off.

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  11. Beautifully articulated. I can't believe people can be so cruel to putdown others for no good reason. I don't understand how they don't feel sick just reading that. I felt sick! I'm glad you decided to stand up. Humankind astounds me sometimes (although you tend to astound me in a positive way :).

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  12. I'm so glad you addressed this. I know you've been battling with it for a while. You are the strongest person I have ever met.

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  13. I've seen some of the anonymous commets left here and on other blogs and they always make me wonder. If a person is so upset about another's life and obviously follow a blog close enough to know about that blogger (like the person who "wasn't trying to be mean") why not just stop reading? That's what I do in life and on the internet. If someone annoys me or I don't like their point of view I just take myself out of that situation. It truly is baffling what people will say but than not have the courage to stand behind it. Stay strong Melissa. Those people are idiots.

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  14. Melissa, you're such a strong person. You lead by example, and you are an encouragement for all of us to stand up for ourselves. Thank you so much for that, and hope all is well! :)

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  15. Melissa...this person is truly sick. You are probably not or ever will be their only victim. You addressed this evil person in a gracious and intelligent way. I didn't think I could admire you more than I did already. Bravo!

    XO,
    Jane

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  16. This took my breath away. This is the writing that got me hooked on your blog. Kudos to you lady,you rule!

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  17. Krysten already said it as did you, but anonymous commenters are cowards and need to get lives!
    Rock on lady.

    xoxo,
    Chic 'n Cheap Living

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  18. Oh, just left me without words. I don't know why there are people who hate so much, only have negative comments to share. It's so easy to say these things without facing the opponent, so sad.

    You deserve the same as any other woman in this world, never question that. Love, friendship and family is for everyone.

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  19. This post is probably the best, most empowering thing I've read all week. Good for you for standing up to these people.

    I think there are people who are infuriated by strong women who express opinions, disabled or not.

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  20. Love ur blog...
    All the way from Malaysia.

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  21. You're amazing, Melissa.

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  22. I remember that commenter & truthfully, Melissa, I have stayed away for many posts because I really did not want to see the comments. I have enough upsetting stuff to deal with all the time.

    I am so pleased that you addressed this person; now I would ask (respectfully as a reader): will you pls deny or delete those comments if they appear again? There is no need to publish comments that do not meet a standard of civility. Moderated (before or after the fact) comments are not unknown on the web. Please consider?

    xoxo

    Susan

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  23. Thanks for all these sweet comments. I totally agree with you, Shel1!

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  24. Hi Susan -- thanks for your thoughts. I'll definitely be comments like these in the future. I refuse to be someone's outlet for their filth. xoxo

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  25. LadyMelissa, I am so glad you are who you are. Looking forward to lunching with you soon (as soon as I'm out from under this pack of dogs!).

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  26. Bonnie!!! YES!! Let's do lunch at Kish soon!! xoxo

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  27. I completely agree, Anonymous people who post HATE are rude and lack basic consideration for other people's feelings. However, I think you should allow RESPECTFUL suggestions.

    I have read your blogs for 2 years, and it really cheered it up through a lot of difficult times in my life(adjusting to a new city, starting a challenging graduate program, relationship problems). I am a big fan of your work and sweet blog entries.

    However, because you often write about finding "Sweet Pea" on your blog, I really want this to become a reality for you. This is why I will continue to encourage you to explore romantic options and put yourself out there on the dating scene. Mr. Sweet Pea will not ride a white horse all the way to your front steps...you may have to take more initiatives and go find him. I understand that all other commentators are also looking out for you, but I want you to challenge yourself a little more.

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  28. Thanks, Anon -- I fully agree about respectful suggestions. But when Anons keep suggesting the same things over and over on every single post, even after I've said I'm more than content with my life RIGHT NOW...that's when things get redundant, and I don't think we need to see 1434345343 comments saying the same things, you know?

    Hope this helps! xoxo

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  29. Beautifully stated Melissa! I feel sort of sad for anonymous - they obviously have their entire sense of self worth wrapped up in their looks. They must be a truly miserable person to feel the need to spew such hate and nonsense while hiding their identity. I'm so glad you finally addressed their nasty, bullying comments.

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  30. I have been encouraging you to be more proactive in finding Mr. Blake, because you keep writing about wanting to find Mr. Blake. But, if you think my suggestion to "get out there" is redundant, then I will resist bringing the topic up in the future.

    Stay happy and positive, I hope Mr. Blake appears someday.

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  31. I agree with the last Anon. You keep talking about finding him, which is why I think there are so many suggestions on how to go about doing that. People's opinions can be redundant and annoying, but for those of us who truly want to see you happy, it can be hard to understand why you won't try other methods.

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  32. wow, just wow. And not a good wow to the comments above.

    Thanks for sharing this with us Melissa.

    Social media, blogs, etc. do bring out the trolls. I think it important for you to share these things with your readers so that we will remember that cyber-bullying isn't something that just happens to kids.

    Those mean girls in high school? Yep, they are alive and well and never change. We've all had to deal with them even as adults.

    Now, they just have another way to be mean.

    Karma to you, annon. Your IP is recorded by blogger and wordpress. You aren't really annon.

    Gloria

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  33. I've always seen the negative anonymous comments and get a lil upset, wondering how they were even approved. Maybe you should start reviewing comments before they are posted, if you havent started already.
    Besides that Mellisa you are quite inspiring, keep on pushing on regards. Continue giving Anon something to envy and talk about (cuz clearly part of their life revolves around you). Peace & love!!!

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  34. Dude, I will NEVER understand why people feel the need to be like that on the internet. What an awful, immature, piece-of-gross-and-smelly-poop way to behave. So annoying.

    That said, SCREW 'EM! You're awesome, and your blog is awesome, and there is zero percent reason you should listen to the haters. I'm incredibly impressed by your general willpower and ability to ignore them, and I definitely think you are allowed a post or two like this one now or then. They SHOULD be called out, and then kicked aside and forgotten. You go, girl.

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  35. I'm sorry that people are such jerks :(

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  36. The above three posts are possibly the most confusing pieces of spam I think I've ever come across. Maybe just for these types of comments, you might need to review your comments and delete the rubbish?

    I really can't believe anyone would bother to write hateful comments. Most of the time, readers will read and think but just not bother to comment, no matter what they have to say. So to take the time to write something hateful just seems to be going to great lengths. Can their heads really be so full of negativity? Are their lives so miserable? Geez, I'm just thankful not to be living in their communities. It must be so sad to have this mindset all the time. What a disability they have!

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