Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Love Lounge: On the dangers of jealousy

Green has always been one of my least favorite colors. I've never known why.
 
Until now. Jealousy is quite the ugly green little monster. I’m sure you’d agree. I picture it withering and seething and slithering around like a snake. I picture it ready to pounce on some unsuspecting, poor victim. I picture it ready to curl itself, like a snake would, around said victim’s neck for a long sleep. I’ve tried to push this jealousy from my mind.
 
I don’t like being a jealous person; it leaves a bottomless-pit feeling in the, well, pit of your stomach. And then there's the sort of vague jealousy that sometimes creeps in out of nowhere. You know, those times you find yourself jealous of someone you don't even know and have no right to be jealous of...and still...you're jealous of her. You can't help but feel the green ooze of jealousy seep out of every single one of your pores.
So, I'm wondering: Is it just human nature to be jealous? Or does society program us to develop those green eyes of jealousy? Are you a jealous person, friends? How have you overcome jealousy in the past? Any tips? xoxo

[Photos via Le Love]

11 comments:

Elsa de Diego said...

This is very honest! :) I guess that we all have nasty feelings once in a while. I have been told that there are feelings you can't control, however, what you can control is how you interpretate those feelings, learn where they're actually coming from and do something about it. Muah!

Sarah-Marie Hughes said...

I think feeling jealous from time to time is just part of the whole messy human experience. It's what you do with your feelings id jealousy that really counts. Why not turn feelings of jealousy into admiration or motivation to make a change in your own life. Jealous of someone who has your dream job? What steps can you take to find your own dream job? Jealous of someone's supposed good looks and beauty? How well are you taking care of your own appearance? (When is say "you" I'm not talking about you directly Melissa, just a general "you".)My point is that instead of seething about all the things the other person has, take control of your own life and go after what you want. Ask yourself, what does that person do to achieve her/his goals? What examples can I learn from her/him. No one is stopping any of us from making our own choices about what we do with our lives.
I also find that being grateful for all the blessings in my life (my health, my husband, my family) is a pretty good antidote to feelings of jealousy and envy.

Giulia said...

Oh, good one. Yes, I think it is quite human...and destructive. I am always surprised when I feel that awful stomach-turning feeling...and know that it's jealousy. I hate it. As someone said above, it's how we control it. Because honestly, I've rarely known a person who hasn't felt it upon occasion, even when a really mature person.

Eleanor at Mirror Of My World said...

sometimes i get jealous but its very rare, however it is a very normal human emotion. if you get jealous a lot though try and see what is at the bottom of it and see if you can work on it because i think it can be destructive at times. xx

Mandy said...

Ooooh, how I struggle with this one. I have always been a jealous person, and I don't know if I handle it well. I do my best to ignore the feelings, because I know I'm just being crazy. It's not worth putting it on my partner if I trust him, and it's all my own insanity.

I think working on my self-esteem in general would help me get over this. Easier said than done though!

Melissa Blake said...

Yes, Mandy! It is all so much easier said than done. It's a lifelong process, as I'm starting to realize.

Melissa Blake said...

Sarah, i love your take on putting a different spin on things and working on changing yourself. :)

lauren jean allece said...

Oh man Melissa, I know this feeling. I had honestly never experienced real jealousy until about a year ago and it was vicious. It was vile. I hated it and couldn't seem to beat it... Never in my life have I had to "mind over matter" something like that. But I prayed a lot about it and when I felt it teeming under the surface of my joy, I prayed harder - and making the CHOICE to conquer it was a powerful, powerful weapon against it! It's not easy, but it is possible. And I think it's very human to feel that way... The trick is what you do and how you handle it. Control your jealousy or it controls you!

Lena at A Crimson Kiss said...

I was wrestling with this just last night! I'm not sure if we're all predisposed for jealousy, or if an event or events in our lives incites it, but boy is it miserable.

I've found that simply putting an end to the thoughts is most helpful. I've never been able to logic away jealousy, but have been able to stop thinking about it!

Melissa Blake said...

I know, lena -- it's like the whole chicken or the egg debate. Which came first? :)

Just M said...

I am not a jealous person. I am a cautious person.

Unfortunately for me, I have been the cheater and the cheated upon. I have been married and I have also been the other woman. I am NOT proud of all of those things I just mentioned but they are things that made me who I am today.

I have a very keen sense of attention to detail, especially when it comes to someone I am with being less than honest and/or someone else trying to move in on my territory. People are shady. Very shady. Men can be vial ceatures and women can be snakes in the grass. I KNOW. I used to be one of those type of women.

Trust me when I say this, women have a natural gut instinct that warns us when danger is approaching. It's what makes women so maternal. (Seriously, look it up if you don't believe me). Chances are, if you are feeling threatened (jealous) there is a good reason to feel that way. You might not be able to figure it out, and don't drive yourself crazy trying to or allow someone else to make you feel you are crazy for thinking such things.

We live and learn. Some of us learn the hard hard hard way. Others never learn.

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