Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love Lounge: 5 (more) types of men to avoid

Yesterday, friends, we talked about five types of men to avoid -- if for nothing else but our own sanity. Today, I give you the final five. If you should encounter one of these guys, I suggest you run -- fast! -- in the other direction...

The Mama’s Boy
Sorry, sunny, but we don’t have time to play the Freud Game with you. The Mama’s Boy can be a tricky one because at first, it seems all rather cute. “Oh, it’s so cute how he dotes on his mother,” you think. But give it time, and I assure you, it’ll turn into something scarier than your own father-daughter complex.

Mr. Ego
Sure, his aloofness seems sexy at first, but two, three, four years later? It’s just (still) aloofness. And it’s not so sexy anymore, either. I once knew a guy who bragged about everything: His knowledge of current events, all-things politics, baseball, even geography trivia. At first, I was in sheer awe, thinking, “Damn, that’s one sexy, confident man right there.” Yeah, I’m sad to say my awe lasted longer than it should have; I held on, hoping he would magically take an interest in me and what I had to say, which included a love of long summer walks, the future of the media industry and a fondness for classic ‘80s sitcoms. But sadly, he never did, opting instead to droll on and on and on and on about himself. Oh and FYI, Mr. Ego, not everyone cares about the intricacies of baseball. It’s just a sport.

The Newly Unattached Bachelor
I once found out a guy I used to work with was a free man after he made it official modern-day style and changed his Facebook status from “in a relationship” to “single.” I’d always had a little crush on him. And in that moment, I sort of felt like a tiger, ready to pounce and go in for the kill, but then I thought about it. There was far too much baggage attached with that for my liking. A woman can only carry so much weight, and I didn’t have any extra room in my closet for his baggage, skeletons or other quirks during his post-breakup mourning period. There should be a rule dictating the proper amount of time to wait before making a move; it would save both men and women a lot of confusion and inevitably, yet another breakup.

The Ex
This one should be obvious. There is a reason he’s you EX: maybe he cheated, maybe he wasn’t attentive to your needs, maybe he shacked up with someone else or maybe he was just plain stupid. Whatever the reason, even thinking of stirring up those old feelings will only end in one big, bad explosion, with your feelings strewn among the rubble. They say you can’t go home again, and this is especially true of former flames. The candle has gone out; let it burn down to the wick with dignity.

The Ex-Lover Obsessive
This one can be misleading at first. Your dating a great guy, who casually mentions every so often how his ex loved this or did this. It’s cute, you think. This is the sort of guy who can remain friends with his ex.

And that’s exactly when things become unhealthy. Pretty soon, he’s saying how smart she was, how her green eyes glimmered so beautifully against the morning light, how they once spent an entire weekend in bed at this little cabin in the woods and told each other their life story. Blah. Blah. Blah. Pretty soon after that, you two are sitting on the couch as he rests his head on your shoulders and blubbers like a little school girl.

We get it: Your ex should have been Miss America. If he loved her so much, maybe, they should get back together. All this talk about the Elusive Perfect Ex is just plain rude and unromantic. You’re no longer his girlfriend (assuming you ever were, really), but are now his therapist. Never a good position to be in. Ever. It’s obvious he’s in love, only not with you.
Well, friends, what do you think? Do you have any crazy Valentine's Day stories involving these types of guys? How did you handle it? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]


  1. ;) This is so funny and at the same time very informative;)

  2. Respectfully disagree on the Mama's boy front - not every guy who really loves his mom and cherishes her is the victim of some Oedipus complex. Freud limits the way we look at others. My best friend loves his mom but he still has his own backbone, his own mind. He's a good person, the best friend I have. I don't think his love for his mom has impaired his ability to be his own self.

  3. can I also add Married Man to the list?


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