Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Love Lounge: My revised "List" (and one surprising revelation)

So, friends, after we talked about our relationship must-haves last week, I got to thinking more about that little list I made when I was 17. I admit that, back then, the list was the be-all and end-all for me. I remember sitting at my desk in my room one summer night and painstakingly drafting each of the 12 must-have qualities in my journal; you'd think I was crafting the Declaration of Independence with the attention I was giving it. I mean, it was super, super specific (example: He must have a Chandler Bing sense of humor...). At the time, it was as important to me as any historical document ever was -- maybe even more important because it fully reflected me and what I wanted. Looking back now, I can't help but see it as more of a snapshot in time -- a snapshot of my life when I was a wee teenager, It reflected my life at the time, and when I completed my 12-point masterpiece? Well, let's just say I walked around with a pretty big smile on my face for quite awhile.
But now, some 14 years later (yikes!), the list just seems, well, extra complicated. It's needlessly complicated, if you will. He must have this. He can't have this. He must do this. He can't do this. Ahhh! It all makes my head spin these days, and my perspective on the whole list has changed. Maybe it's because I'm older and have a bit more life experience. Maybe it's because I've started to realize that life doesn't always work out exactly the way we want it to. Or maybe it's because my priorities have changed over the years. Whatever the reason for my changing view, one thing is resoundingly clear: The list needs a long-overdue makeover. It needs to reflect 31-year-old me instead of the 17-year-old me of the past. My new list? It's a pretty small one, but make no mistake -- it still packs a powerful punch. Maybe a more powerful punch than the old list. So in celebration of moving forward, I gave you the Top 3 H's of a relationship that are most important to me...

Heart
Let's face it, without heart, you've got nothing. A guy's got to have a good heart -- the deep kind that make you feel like you've found your home after years and years of searching. A guy with a soul is a very attractive guy indeed.

Humor
I'm always going to need humor in my life. One of things that made my parents' marriage look so easy, I think, was their ability to have fun and laugh. They were always smiling whenever they were in the same room -- those sorts of smiles that were so infectious that you just couldn't stop yourself from smiling too.

Hushed conversations
OK, so I'm stretching with this one a bit. I wanted to have the importance of talking in the mix, so I got creative and tacked on an adjective to the word 'conversation,' but the sentiment is still true. I want to be with someone that I can talk to -- about anything. And, they don't always have to be those super deep, long, emotional talks either; there's something to be said for a relationship where two people are fully comfortable and content to just shoot the breeze. It sounds ideal.
And, one more little revelation? I noticed I never even mention my disability in my 12-point list of yore. Not even once. No mention of a guy having to accept my disability and see past it. No mention of making sure my disability isn't some sort of dealbreaker. Looking at the list now, you'd probably have no idea I was even physically disabled. It's almost like it didn't exist. That sort of blows my mind, you know? Because back, then, maybe it didn't take up so much head space for me. Was I more self-confident? More innocent and naive? It's something to think about, isn't it?
 
Have you ever given your list a makeover? Why? What did you add? What did you delete? What do you think your list will look like in 5 or 10 years? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

2 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness, I thought I was the only one with a list of traits a man had to meet in order to win my affection. I made my list when I was in my first year of university and I had 58 ... read them ... 58 points!! It was unreal and just a bit much. I whittled it down to 37. Looking back over them now, some 7 years later, some are still as valid and important, others don't matter that much any more and even more are just plain ridiculous.

    The good hygiene one stays though, very important for the man I love to be clean and smell delicious all the time:)

    Thanks so much for sharing!

    http://unpublishedworksofme.blogspot.co.uk/

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  2. I was just talking about this topic the other nite. I have this theory about the internet, I think it has made people really self-conscious. We're constantly posting things to blogs, facebook, etc with the expectation of approval from other people. I know for me (I'm your age as well) I think back to my pre-pinterest, pre-facebook, pre-blogging days, and I remember the person I was as being so self assured, without regard to what anyone else thought about me. I've been trying to get back into that mindset lately.

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