I've been thinking about those holiday vacations quite a bit lately. I know, I know. It's only to be expected, given that Christmas is the day after tomorrow. I mean, Christmas is the one holiday that screams family and love and cheer and togetherness, and there's really no escaping it. It's in every store, on TV, in magazines. And don't get my wrong, Father. I am thankful every single day for my family -- for my mom and Janelle and our two wonderful cats. But now? Since you died? Well, our family is just...different. In fact, my mom and I talk about this quite a lot. We can't really pinpoint what this feeling of "different" feels like -- aside from your absence, of course -- and it's not like we're unhappy.
Years ago, I would have been so angry with you. Really angry. Like I've said before, I suppose it was just easier that way. It's so much easier to be angry than it is to feel actual emotions. Back then, I didn't necessarily have the energy to feel any sort of deeper emotions than surface anger, and it worked for me for awhile. Some might say it lasted a bit too long, but it eventually did subside, and now? I just miss you. And Christmas is making me extra wistful for those vacations of my childhood.