Dear MTV's The Real World (where it's OK to act like you're on spring break no matter where you are and no matter the season):
I recorded the premiere of your new season last week (that's the new cast, above), and honestly, I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it yet. Truthfully, I think part of me is just too scared of what I'd probably find if I hit play. I hear you're in San Francisco again. You were there 20 years ago. Do you remember those times? My gosh, it was your heyday. You were in your prime, all bright-eyed and looking forward to exploring this big, bad world that stretched out before you. The first time around in San Francisco, you showed what it's like when clashing cultures come together -- frustrations, lessons, blessings and all -- and broke real barriers. Now, you break furniture. You stood for things back then. Now, you fall asleep after a long night of partying. You used to stay up all night discussing all things politics and other social issues of the day -- there was so much excitement in your eyes. Now, you stay up all night fighting in a drunken stupor. Then, you were content to just explore your new surroundings and your new roommates. Now, it's all you can do to not hook up with someone on that first night.
But then something strange happened. I forgot about that application -- or, maybe I lost it. The reason does matter, I suppose. The point is that I grew up a little, started college and somehow, you managed to stay the same. You turned into that long-distance boyfriend you see for the first time since the end of the summer...you know, the one who is still as immature as ever. All the while, you're thinking to yourself, "Man, what happened? We could have been great together." So, yes, I will be watching your new season, but know that it will be with a rather heavy heart because sometimes, you just can't shake those memories from yesteryear. I'm sorry, but my bottom line will always be: Hot tubs! Hook-ups! Hell no! un-xoxo