Wednesday, February 04, 2015
My Father's Suicide: On learning how to keep going
And if I'm being completely honest, maybe a part of me doesn't want to forget these tough months. Sure, I most definitely wouldn't ever want to relive them again -- no one should ever have to go through something like that -- but I often wonder if I'd know what I know now had I not gone through it. Does that make sense?
A couple years ago, I found myself listening to FUN.'s Carry On on repeat for the longest time. The lyrics just stuck with me, burrowing their way into my heart, and I felt like I carried them with me everywhere I went.
If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground
It's something to think about, isn't it? Each new step we take is an indication of our past -- maybe even a recognition of it, of its passage, of a welcoming of the future. It's a melancholy goodbye but a hopeful hello. Life is messy. Life is chaotic. Still, that doesn't mean we throw our hands up in the air in frustration and just crawl in some hole until the storm passes. We may want to. We may be *thisclose* to doing so. But we don't. And, we all change. We're not the same people we were then. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it's a bad thing. Or maybe it's neither good nor bad. Maybe it just is.
[Photos via We Heart It]