My mom's always said that I'm a pretty transparent person. She's mostly right -- what you see is usually what you get with me. I'm pretty straight-forward and have never been one to hide my feelings; if you don't believe me, all you really have to do is read the archives from the last SEVEN years of this blog. That's a pretty heavy dose of reality right there, isn't it?
As you can plainly see, I don't hold anything back.
Except, well, when it comes to certain guys in my life. Oh, I think you know where I'm going with this -- Anonymous, I know you do...
Jann Arden's "You Don't Know Me"
From My Best Friend's Wedding
Like any red-blooded American woman, I
You give your hand to me
And then you say hello
And I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me
On the outside, it may look like I'm one of those cool, nonchalant girls who is just soooo relaxed and has it all together. But on the inside? I'm one gigantic mess of feels. I don't say this lightly, and as you can probably guess, these feels only intensify when I meet a guy who catches my eye. And again, contrary to what some Anonymous will tell you, NO, I don't go around falling in love with every guy I meet.
There have only been a handful of guys who have really made my heart beat faster, just as the lyrics imply.
No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
Longs to hold you tight
Oh I am just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me
Every single time, I can't help but feel like I was a victim of the dreaded friend-zone -- that limbo state of confusing, murky water. It's like you're drowning in quicksand, and no matter how much you try to give a voice to your feelings, the words just won't come out.
I never knew the art of making love
No my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too
So you just sit there, watching the pretty scene pass you by. Maybe someone else has everything you want. You want to just tell them everything, but so much time has passed and you already feel awkward enough, so you keep your mouth shut and pretend that everything is "cool." All the while, you know that things are most definitely NOT cool, but you don't know how to change it. You feel stuck there, destined to watch the world go by. Forever.