tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post7238202428904136024..comments2023-11-16T03:37:52.470-06:00Comments on So about what I said...: MEMO TO MEN: Double-edge complimentsMelissa Blakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09975477573895818097noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-52350763005227181602012-04-05T18:37:23.300-05:002012-04-05T18:37:23.300-05:00Last Anon -- true, that is probably a polite way o...Last Anon -- true, that is probably a polite way of letting someone down easy...Melissa Blakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09975477573895818097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-24816707215202307902012-04-05T18:35:00.175-05:002012-04-05T18:35:00.175-05:00Sweet posy, i hope you didn't take that statem...Sweet posy, i hope you didn't take that statement too seriously!Melissa Blakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09975477573895818097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-50693094259892853002012-04-05T18:34:16.149-05:002012-04-05T18:34:16.149-05:00Second Anon -- runner-up? How mean!!Second Anon -- runner-up? How mean!!Melissa Blakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09975477573895818097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-62779340040228567802012-04-05T14:34:02.114-05:002012-04-05T14:34:02.114-05:00To say to someone....."I love you like my mom...To say to someone....."I love you like my mom and/or sister" is not "creepy". I think what it really means is the guy is trying to tell you (nicely!) that he's just not that into you as girlfriend material and probably never will be. If someone says these words to you (and HAVE they, by the way??), just smile politely and write him off. I agree, it's probably not the words that you want to hear, but it IS a polite way of somone telling you............"naaah, not gonna happen!!!"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-69193299851853924722012-04-05T11:10:12.466-05:002012-04-05T11:10:12.466-05:00It's not that they aren't genuine complime...It's not that they aren't genuine compliments, it's that you were hoping for different ones. Big, big difference. Please, for the sake of all that's good and holy, stop trying to script people! They operate independently of your wishes, and when they say or do nice things for you, please try to appreciate it instead of blaming them for it not being exactly what you wanted (and didn't ask for).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-57677266281773070452012-04-05T10:31:16.297-05:002012-04-05T10:31:16.297-05:00I have to agree with some of the others; I think t...I have to agree with some of the others; I think that the examples you gave aren't necessarily backhanded compliments. It all depends on the way YOU interpret them. I've had many guy friends tell me the same thing and I've never taken it for anything but what it was -- a nice way of saying "You're special to me." If you have feelings for the other person, hearing that you are like a sister or best friend would be disappointing, but only because it wasn't what you wanted to hear. Why not just enjoy the company of men and get comfortable hanging out with them without any expectations except to have a good time and see where it goes? You have the power to decide how you want to react to the things that people say to you. You can't stop men from speaking their minds and saying what they think, but you can control how you react to what they say. You have more power than you know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-8236106110601466212012-04-04T23:54:36.356-05:002012-04-04T23:54:36.356-05:00Those "compliments" are sometimes little...Those "compliments" are sometimes little hints that you are trying to drift over into bf/gf territory. We don't want to be mean and outright tell you that we will never see you as anyone more than a cool person to hang with. Imagine how <i>we</i> feel when you can't or won't pick up on the signals we are desperately sending. It's awkward to tell you that you are too --insert negative quality here-- to date us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-81601958194777685302012-04-04T23:21:01.170-05:002012-04-04T23:21:01.170-05:00Big check on those things mel. LOL. Maybe that is ...Big check on those things mel. LOL. Maybe that is why they view us, women, as the hardest creatures to understand but the sweetest one could ever get. ^_^ <3Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-42870117962245301392012-04-04T18:04:04.665-05:002012-04-04T18:04:04.665-05:00Oh, the backhanded compliment–isn't it the ver...Oh, the backhanded compliment–isn't it the very best? I really loved, "You remind me of my mom!"A Crimson Kisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00474778213617208638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-50265211894183228612012-04-04T17:36:16.870-05:002012-04-04T17:36:16.870-05:00"You're so skinny, you look just like a m..."You're so skinny, you look just like a model!" (turns to other girl and says loudly) "Models are so gross."<br /><br />Of course, that was middle school. The girls who pulled this kind of thing either grew out of it, or got a lot better at it (ie more subtle). The truly skilled can insult you in the midst of a crowd without anyone else noticing the barb (until they're the ones being targeted), and therefore without damaging her reputation as a 'nice girl'- this does double damage, since it simultaneously hurts and isolates you; makes it appear that you're picking a fight for no reason if you just try to hit back. This kind of sneaky nastiness seems pretty unique to girls/women, maybe because men don't have nearly as much societal pressure to be (or appear to be) 'sweet.'Bowerbirdnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-56374202053890800272012-04-04T17:08:22.687-05:002012-04-04T17:08:22.687-05:00When I got accepted to grad school at U of Chicago...When I got accepted to grad school at U of Chicago, someone said, "I didn't know you were that smart." Um, thanks?Sweet Posy Dreamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07915541210527642552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-35351336277534020532012-04-04T15:56:14.704-05:002012-04-04T15:56:14.704-05:00I guess for myself I just point out the fact that ...I guess for myself I just point out the fact that I'm not sure if it was actually a compliment or not. I feel like just speaking your mind is usually the best route to take!HayleyGracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280620486489879420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-68764975425678062332012-04-04T15:37:37.504-05:002012-04-04T15:37:37.504-05:00Agree with anonymous. The statements you posted we...Agree with anonymous. The statements you posted were not back-handed compliments. They may have hurt your feelings, but they aren't back-handed. It's mostly women that back-handed compliment. Men can be snarky, but it's not usually their nature. Some women use the words "different" or "unique" as insults.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-18072594150992980052012-04-04T15:06:41.660-05:002012-04-04T15:06:41.660-05:00Probably the worst one I got was from a guy I like...Probably the worst one I got was from a guy I liked who told me he didn't want me to be his girlfriend but not to feel too bad because I was his "runner-up". Ugh! On a postive note, we laughed about it years later. We were both pretty dumb at that age.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-5324493848300352762012-04-04T14:36:26.798-05:002012-04-04T14:36:26.798-05:00gotta agree with anonymous. trust me, guys really,...gotta agree with anonymous. trust me, guys really, really do not give compliments like that with hidden intentions and meaning to say something else. guys really put as much thought into it as girls do, and what they say is literally what they are thinking in this situation. one thing i've learned is there is no reason to analyze what guys say because it really is as simple as it sounds on paper as to what they mean.Aprilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15377827084726316960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-33768262426291066802012-04-04T14:25:38.337-05:002012-04-04T14:25:38.337-05:00Er, not sure how these qualify as back-handed comp...Er, not sure how these qualify as back-handed compliments. Sorry. They may not be exactly what you want to hear, but there's a big difference between 'you're my best friend' from a guy you secretly wish was your boyfriend, and something like 'Your style is so..interesting. I admire how you don't care what other people think.' The examples you gave may be bittersweet if you are unhappy with the current situation, but they aren't candy-coated insults delivered with a smile.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8773709208108297978.post-86448999772086708672012-04-04T13:53:28.691-05:002012-04-04T13:53:28.691-05:00I totally love this post! It's so true...it s...I totally love this post! It's so true...it should be easy to just say something nice, but then again I think people (women especially) read way too much into compliments sometimes. Maybe it makes men feel like they have to be veiled or stingy with with their words. Who knows. It's also really hard to accept a compliment sometimes. It should be as easy as paying someone a compliment and having them just say "Thank you."Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04967036443580250272noreply@blogger.com